You have to love yourself first to attract a relationship work, or transform an existing relationship into a healthy, balanced one. I have heard this so many times and paid little attention to what it actually means. My response has always been, “But I do love myself!”.

However, when I was told the same thing for the umpteenth time recently after another failed relationship and strained ones with family and friends, I realised that I obviously do not know what it means to love, or at best like myself.

But how on earth do you love yourself? For women this is probably one of the most difficult things to do. We don’t want to seem selfish, or maybe we think we don’t deserve our own love and affection, or we are not good enough, or I am not a good person, how can I. The list of excuses is endless.

In colour language, the colour pink is a way to start liking and eventually loving yourself. Pink is the colour of love. Pink expresses the energy of unconditional or universal love, or more accurately called compassion. When we are more kind, compassionate and non-critical towards ourselves it will naturally have positive consequences for the people around us.

Here are a few tips on how to use pink to attract a relationship with yourself, improve relations with loved ones and maybe even help you to find the ONE:
1. Visualise the colour pink. Breathe it in and allow its beauty and delicateness to open your heart. It allows you to be open to other people.
2. Take a pink pen and write down 10 things you love about yourself. Also write down 10 things that you love to do and make you feel happy.
3. Wear a pink hat, top or shirt. When you wear pink you are trying to build self-worth, self-love and self-nurturing. Other people perceive you as a compassionate and loving person who is considerate and patient. The laws of attraction will do the rest!
4. If you are looking for a relationship write down the qualities that you would like in a person.
5. Wear pink crystals like rose quartz. Make sure you ask for the right person. If not, you could end up with a host of unsuitable people!

If I were a colour I would be GREEN.

I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert. Balance and harmony are the key words when it comes to life in general and relationships.

I am curious and compassionate by nature, and love to learn new things. On the dark side, I tend to be overcautious and don’t always follow my heart.

The colour that you are most attracted to in the long run is called your colour identity.

What is your colour identity?

If you are full of energy, passionate and physically active you are a RED person. Outgoing, motivated and determined are words used to describe you. The other side is that RED people tend to be stubborn and may have a short temper.

If you would describe yourself as practical and spontaneous you are ORANGE. You are creative and enjoy being in a job that requires you to be active. But you stress too much.

Sunny, warm and an inspiration to others would make you a YELLOW. You think a lot and often have a scientific mind. Remember to eat healthily because you tend to forget about food.

BLUE people are gentle and peaceful. They are introverts and don’t like conflict, and they are good listeners. Others feel comfortable in their space and they are a good judge of character. Be careful not to isolate yourself, and remember to communicate your needs.

Connected to your intuition? Then you are an INDIGO person. You need tranquil surroundings and love to be surrounded by beauty. People would describe you as loyal and discerning. You are not always right though. Asking questions will help to rectify wrong perceptions.

Sensitive and easily hurt? Like to be surrounded by caring, compassionate people? Then you are VIOLET. You are also artistic and highly intuitive. You are also into spiritual things. Just take care not to get affected to other people’s energies.

Want a new hobby? Colour can help!

The colour that you are attracted to at this point in your life is a good indication of what hobby, activity or new discovery will best suit you.

Take a minute and think about the colour that has recently caught your eye. Now choose a new and rewarding experience.

Red: Get rid of excess energy in a constructive manner. Be active, very active! Take up an adventure sport like rock climbing or scuba diving. Join the kids rollerblading on the beachfront or at the ice-skating rink. Ballroom dancing and belly dancing will get you in touch with your inner goddess, and make you look and feel sexy.

Orange: Express yourself creatively. When you make or create something it helps to improve self-worth issues. Take up pottery, art or mosaic classes, flower arranging or cake decorating. Make your own jewellery or candles. Admire your handwork and feel how it lifts your spirits.

Yellow: Exercise and stimulate your brain. Learn a new language. Sign up for a writing course. Read a Shakespeare novel. Acquiring knowledge will give your self-confidence a boost. When you are well-read and informed it will also assist in dispelling irrational fears.

Green: Bring balance and harmony into your life. Grow a herb or vegetable garden, or just beautify your home with a lovely lush oasis. Spending time in nature will connect you to your heart’s desires.

Blue: Use your voice. Join a book club where you can discuss your favourite books with like-minded people. Take a toastmasters course. Go for singing lessons, or join your local church or temple choir. Don’t be shy to join the chanting in your yoga class. Build trust in your own voice and opinions.

Indigo: Do introspection. Learn how to meditate to find stillness and tap into your subtle senses. Explore tools like astrology or colours, and do personality tests online. When you know and trust yourself you live according to your personal beliefs.

Violet: Do something for the greater good. Help out at the soup kitchen of your church or community centre. Volunteer at an animal shelter, children’s home or old age home. Being in service for the good of all brings body, mind and spirit together.

To me, holistic living means taking care of and nurturing my whole being – my body, my heart, my mind and my soul.

It also means that I live by my own rules, my own truths and what works best for me. However, I am flexible enough to adapt to change and embrace growth.
I suppose for most of us this sounds like hard work and too much effort. And the sceptics among us would probably say, “Is it realistic to think that we can achieve balance in this crazy world?”.

One thing we need to know is that creating a holistic lifestyle and letting go of old beliefs are painful on all levels. You need a strong heart, that’s for sure!

I recently had a relationship change. I was forced to look at my relationship patterning, where it comes from and how to stop repeating the same mistakes. My body reacted with debilitating lower back pain and sore kidneys. My feelings were in turmoil: It varied between crying fits and red rage. My thoughts went into self-analysis, over-analysis, and ended up in confusion of the worst kind. And my poor soul suffered too – well, I took it to the extreme and questioned my purpose, “Why I am here? Is my purpose in this lifetime to make a relationship work?”.

To balance all these aspects of you – a living, breathing, feeling, loving human being - requires introspection and the courage to jump in and just do it! Do what, you may ask? Change for the better.

But how does one live holistically in practical terms?

It is very simple. Get to know yourself better: What do I like and what don’t I like? Discover your strengths and weaknesses. Honour your light and dark side. Make small changes to your home and environment, diet, thoughts and perceptions to set you on the path to wholeness and balance. And just stop and stare.

On a physical level, learn to appreciate your body and listen to the signs. Our bodies are constantly sending us messages. If there is an imbalance of some sorts, you will feel it in your bones.

On an emotional level, let go of the feelings you do not need and do not serve you. Be discerning about what really upsets you and what is just not worth wasting energy on.

On a mental level, get rid of perceptions, belief patterns, conditioning and judgment. Full your head with positive thoughts and stop negative thinking in its tracks.

On a spiritual level, spend time in nature, look at the stars often and don’t stop dreaming. And contemplate and cement your purpose.

When you raise your vibration, you live a healthier, happier and more abundant life. You don’t let outside forces control your heart or mind, and you bounce back quicker after traumas and challenges.

In colour language, this is what a high frequency person looks like:

Red: You are energetic and full of life. You trust the process of life and patience becomes your friend. Your body is your temple, and you take loving care of it by doing exercise, eating healthy food and getting enough sleep.

Orange: You are courageous, spontaneous and creative. You release the emotions that you don’t need, you find creative solutions for challenges, and you are flexible.

Yellow: You are confident and fill your mind with positive thoughts. You don’t take yourself or life too seriously, and stop worrying and start living!

Green: You are compassionate, love all living creatures, you forgive, you accept, you give and receive.

Blue: Your first relationship is with yourself. You don’t critise or judge yourself, you listen to yourself, you speak your truth, you are open to the opinions of others, and you trust your own voice.

Indigo: You listen to and trust your intuition. You go within to seek answers. Instead of over-analysing, you trust your inner voice.

Violet: You live a life a gratitude. You are aware that we are all connected. You have an open connection to source/your creator.

You are what you eat. Or as we say in colour speak, the colour of your food affects your mood so choose food that corresponds with the energy you think you would need during the day.

Food is one of the most effective ways to incorporate colour into your life and diet, and benefit from its subtle but profound healing effects.

Food contains essential vitamins, minerals and nutrients that are needed to keep our bodies healthy. In addition, the colour of the food adds to our overall well-being. In other words, the colour energy of the food that we eat resonates with the emotional, mental or spiritual energy that we need.

Red, orange and yellow foods in the morning will increase your energy levels and activate your intellectual abilities. What looks and tastes better than a colourful bowl of fruit salad – strawberries, orange, mangos, watermelon – first thing in the morning? Notice how happy it makes you feel just thinking about it.

After a hard day’s work you want to relax. Green food will sooth and calm you,” according to Lientjie. Blue food like milk assists with insomnia and calms the mind.

So what colour do you need to eat?

If you need more passion and motivation, eat red food. Cherries, red apples, strawberries and tomatoes are regarded as red food. Not grounded (a red challenge)? Eat brown rice, lentils or potatoes.

Orange food will balance your emotions. Oranges, pumpkin, peaches and grains will also stimulate your intellect.

For positive thoughts and for added concentration eat yellow food like bananas, yellow peppers, bread and cheese.

To lower your blood pressure and balance your emotions, green grapes, spinach, celery, avocados and apples will do the trick.

And then there is always an exception to the rule: There are not really blue food in nature, but milk, fish and honey are considered blue and calm the mind, relief pain and help with throat infections.

Plums, aubergines, beetroot and black grapes help with intuition and relaxation, and are considered indigo foods.

Violet foods gives stamina and promotes a sense of peace. Try broccoli, olives and currants.

Use colour in your daily diet to activate, stimulate or relax your energies!